I discovered that being disconnected from my heart and soul also meant I was disconnected from my ability to create, respect or even appreciate art. I had lost my way and I had buried my head in the sand and fear became the voice that drowned out my brave creative spirit.
The catalyst that jolted me from my self-imposed numbness was my father’s illness and subsequent death a couple of years ago. During a rare moment of total honesty he told me, “Fear will destroy you inside and out. It will cause your life to shrink until you are barely existing or living at all.”
I couldn’t say exactly what I was afraid of but I did know that I couldn’t be creative or even happy when I was so afraid to be me. I thought of my sons who lived life fearlessly and without censoring or judging each experience as a success or a failure. They didn’t ponder creativity or where it came from they just leapt into life trying first one thing then another, sometimes just to have the experience and then letting it go. How could I be more like them, fearless?
It is funny to discover that behind the wall of fear was my creative self waiting to be reborn and all I had to do was stop, listen and step out on faith. The thing I knew I needed to do was tap back into the me who loves art, music, writing, dancing, photography, etc. in other words I needed to begin creating not only art but the life I wanted to live, free of fear. To create art of any sort I would need to rediscover the joy and the process of getting lost in creating art.
Creativity is a process, not a destination. Having your name in lights or people applauding your brilliance is the end result of your creative process; it’s letting go of fear and other people’s expectations that allow us to create our art, to be brave, fearless and bold. No one teaches us about the process, the blood, sweat and tears that are required to tap into your heart and create something once invisible and make it visible for others to see.
No one creates a masterpiece the first time out of the block. There are drafts and ideas that don’t come to fruition but the process of discovering your voice and your niche drive you again and again to create. It is in the sacred place of process, creation, and faith that you begin to hear your own voice again and you find out who you really are and what moves you.
I need the creative process to nurture my soul and I need to let go of the end product and any judgments that aren’t mine. People will like it or not, but I will still create because that feeds my soul. I continue to challenge myself to live a fear-free life and leaping and having the net appear has restored my faith.