Laughing until I cry!


My “Ant Maureen” and me!!


This is me and my beloved Ant Maureen and this is the nature of our relationship hysterical laughter until we cried, trying not to pee our pants, and my aunts bellowing belly laugh that made me collapse into uncontrollably giggles. This picture sums us up perfectly and thankfully for eternity. Just looking at it makes me smile and more often than not, burst out laughing and lately it makes me cry. Well sob might be more accurate since she passed away two months ago on her late daughter’s birthday. While it may have been expected, it still drove me to my knees.

The impact she had in my life is impossible to calculate. She was a teacher, a mother, an aunt and my best friend. The person I could talk to without a filter. Without weighing each word and it’s effect. She was a safe person for me to share my demons and my dreams. My safe place to land. She softened my edges and made me empathetic and sympathetic first for myself and wisely she understood it would translate to how I treated others.

She took in misfits and strays and her easy non judgmental ways soothed lost souls who longed for acceptance and peace. Her job as a drug and alcohol counselor was her career but her calling was her ability to listen with her whole body. Leaning in, letting the words wash over her and then she would softly ask, “have you considered?”

This was her gift. Nudging me to look in different directions for different solutions. She challenged me to think deeper and to let my instinct guide me. She never judged my choices until after I’d blunder through one mishap or another. Sitting next to her as we drove all over the Northeast I’d confess my latest trials and tribulations and she would just chuckle, call me a turkey and on we would ride.

I don’t know how many miles I rode with my Ant Maureen. For over 25 years I would call her up and say let’s go for a ride. She never asked where she just said pick me up and off we would go. To nowhere and everywhere. We solved my boy troubles, life’s troubles, her troubles and we laughed until we cried. Miles of road disappeared and on we rode laughing, exploring, sharing and me slamming on the breaks to jump out and take pictures. Miles and miles of love shared in the tiny confines of my car.

I’m still adjusting to my grief. I know she’s crossed over to a better place. She’s no longer in pain, mentally and physically. Above all she’s with her beautiful and beloved children who predeceased her, Ian and Drucilla.  So my tears are for me, my loss, and my best friend. On those beautiful days or lonely overcast ones I’ll look to the sky and ask…Do you wanna go for a ride with me? The wind will shift and in the whisper of the trees I know I’ll hear, “sure let’s go!!”

Godspeed Maureen! I pray you’re home safe, whole and in the arms of your true loves. I’ll miss you everyday and hear your voice in my heart until it beats no more. I love you always. ❤️

8 Replies to “Laughing until I cry!”

  1. Beautiful description of a wonderful relationship! I loved reading this. Made me feel good inside! Thanks Nikki you make me feel better without even trying! Love you and so sorry for your loss.🙏😥💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Charlie, I am so happy that this post made you feel good. My aunt was famous for making other people feel good. I think of you often and hope you are doing well. Keep in touch. Love you back. Happy Fall!


    2. Sorry I didn’t see this earlier. Thanks for reading Charlie. I appreciate your kind words. Next time you’re roaming about the island give me a shout and lets catch up. I hope you and your family are doing well. Seriously, where did the time go? Love you back.


  2. A loving tribute. Thank you for sharing…. & reminding us the connection between laughter & tears, the ups and downs of our lives… and the journey of ourselves.💕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dearest Nikki, You have written a beautiful, touching tribute to our beloved Maureen, as I knew you would. It exquisitely expresses your love, gratitude, and grief in full measure of the unique special relationship you shared with her. Your piece has captured the essence of Maureen and her way of being in the world with those she loved and for whom she cared. It will stand out in the “Memories of Maureen ” book we are putting together for family and friends. I am thankful that you and Maureen were there for each other in this gift of life we have lived together as family. We will keep Maureen in our hearts and memories, especially when we laugh until we cry, and/or pee our pants! Love, Mom

    Liked by 1 person

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