Goodbye 2018!

 


I’m happy to say goodbye to 2018. It was a year of hard learned lessons. Some I suppose I should have learned a long ago and some I’ve struggled to accept despite all the evidence. In the end denial could only take me so far. Resistance is futile.

I have learned about pain so deep that it sunk into the marrow of my bones and settled into the fiber of my being. For me, grief is a solitary, isolating sorrow. A muted sense of melancholy that enveloped, cocooned, and finally consumed me this year. I couldn’t seem to shake it and finally succumbed to the pain, heartache and loss. In the end, that was my saving grace, acquiescence. The only way out was through the labyrinth of sorrow. I felt tired, weary, my spirit ragged and exhausted. Unexpectedly there was a stirring, a slight shift in the air. Which was slowly replaced with a thin veil of hope. A stripping away of the grief. Like a string of lights, each igniting the next light and so on until a path was finally illuminated. A way out.

Now it is time to unwrap myself from the silken tentacles of grief and begin to live fully again. So adieu, 2018. It was a rough and tumble ride. I’m grateful for the lessons along the way but sadness is heavy. It weighted me down and the only way back to the surface was to accept what could not be changed.  Life isn’t meant to be lived in the shallow end. 

Welcome 2019! The road was dark and deep but I have promises to keep. Pardon me, I think I see joy ahead.   

2 Replies to “Goodbye 2018!”

  1. Dearest Nikki, Thank you for sharing your exquisite painful journey through the depths of your grief and sorrow. While you feel and process that as a solitary, isolating sorrow, those of us who love you also feel the heartbreak and loss of connection to you. We now rejoice with you as you emerge with hope and the prospect of joy. Your images of a string of lights leading you out of the depths, and unwrapping yourself from the silken tentacles are powerful and fitting with this season, bringing us along to be with you. I thank God for you and your precious pathway, helping us all to learn, live, love and grow. Indeed, life is meant to be lived fully and not in the shallow end. May you continue with God’s many blessings in your life as we welcome this new year. with much love now and always, Mom

    Liked by 1 person

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