Happy Mother’s Day…

Happy Mother’s Day!

I would like to take this moment to thank my Mom who has been my champion and my tough love coach throughout my life. I learned from her how to stand through a storm and how to be an independent thinking and self-supporting woman. Our, complex and sometimes difficult relationship has evolved into a wonderful friendship, and that my be perhaps, the greatest gift of all.

I also want to thank the friends, sisters, teachers, strangers, and mentors who supported and challenged, pushed and shoved me into the woman I am today. Each friend, whether in my life now or in the past, has given me something valuable and everlasting and I am grateful for the lessons I learned from each of you along the way.

To my friends whose mothers have passed away, I know that today is bittersweet and I share in your sorrow and rejoice in the love that your mother’s shared with you and probably me, when they were here with us. Though they may be no longer with us, their presence is so strong, I know you feel their love and support, strength, and wisdom, through the stratosphere and beyond, because a mother’s love knows no bounds, no end and no beginning, the true definition of everlasting. They are angels you know by name.

To my friends who are not mothers, I hope you have had a peaceful day of reflection over the love you have received from your mothers, aunts, friends, sisters, confidants, and mentors. Imagine all the people who have touched your lives and helped you to stretch your wings and fly.

Finally, I would like to thank my beloved and adored sons, Noah and Jordan. For without them I would not know the motherhood joys of success and the staggering amounts of agonizing moments of self-doubt that consume all mothers, worldwide. They taught me to live what I speak, to show them who I am, faults and all, and to love unconditionally, with abandon and delight, holding nothing back.

I am blessed this Mother’s Day, I know that I didn’t get here alone and that my debt to all the women who have helped mold and shape me, has not been paid. Take heart, I have heard you, learned from you, and I appreciate all that you have done for me. I believe I am becoming the best version of who I was meant to be and I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.

 

 

 

Technological Abyss…

My computer crashed, burned, bit the dust, and up and died on me, unexpectedly one day last week. There were no warnings that I could detect, it simply muttered a grandiose sigh and all the lights blinked simultaneously,  and the computer went dark, forever.

I’m going to be okay, but this was a real blow to my creative flow. My routine was shattered and I was aimless and unfocused the entire week.

This should not, I repeat, should not alter my world, causing it to come to an artistic halt, and I hate to admit this, but it did. I felt adrift without my routine of work and creativity and my office space looked barren and gray. My desire to work ebbed silently away.

The space where my computer sat was empty and my thoughts were scattered, then panicked and finally resigned. It would take an expert to put this to rights and I am clearly no expert. After trouble shooting my computer and praying to the computer magicians to magically make my computer turn back on, load up, no questions asked, it remained, irretrievably,  silent. The computer expert duplicated my efforts to reboot the computer and came to the same conclusion… it was dead, to return no more. The information could be restored but the computer itself was gone. 

Let me assure you, (lest you were fearful), that I do back up my documents and photos, so I know they weren’t lost, lost..still I felt paralyzed, unable to grasp the fact that my hard-earned, working with ease, creative environment, had been irrevocably altered. I had been in a groove, sitting down to work and create without thinking about the software, the hard drive, the downloads, the wi-fi, my passwords…when suddenly.. I was forced to stop and reevaluate how I work and how I manage my time. Adjustments were going to have to be made.

I am handling things pretty well, emotionally, as you can imagine, I have been shaken, but I will recover as soon as I figure out how to make my new computer work. This of course proves the old adage;  progress is always, two steps forward and three steps back. 

The silver lining is that I was able to get a new computer that suits my needs just fine. I resisted the urge and the peer pressure to upgrade to something that costs as much as my rent in college. I researched what I needed and walked in and out of the store in 15 minutes with the right computer for me.

I am gratified that things have turned out well and that I am able to get back to work. In the grand scheme of things, this is a small setback and I recognize that fact. I also know that things happen for a reason and for me being off the grid for a week or so reminded  me that I love what I do even more so when I was faced with all of it disappearing into a technological abyss.