Pondering…

Let me begin by wishing all of the Mother’s out there, a Happy Mother’s Day. I know being a mother is challenging and rewarding and exhausting and fulfilling, and overwhelming and exhilarating, and that’s all in one minute. So yeah to us! Even if you’re not a mother, congratulations if you’re  a caregiver to someone you love.

I can’t deny I love my sons beyond measure. Being their Mom is the greatest joy and the greatest test I have ever endured. I pray that when they’re in therapy talking about me, and they probably will be, they remember that I tried with all my might to be the best person/mother that I could be. I know I don’t achieve it all the time, (cue the eye roll from my sons), but I’m aware most of the time when I miss the mark. Each night I pray that I can do better and be better tomorrow. Some days I’m fabulous! Some days I bite!

I know that I have dropped out of sight lately. I needed to take some time to mull over the ever-changing landscape that is my life. I’m going to admit something that my family and friends already know, I ponder, deeply. I gather information about whatever I may be going through, the bigger the problem the longer the gathering process goes, and then I go to ground. 

I take all of the advice, solicited and unsolicited and I mull over every inch of every discussion or thought. I write but my thoughts are so jumbled that they’re not fit to share. My ability to see photographs in daily life, dries up. I turn inward and I shut down emotionally. On the outside I am functioning but on the inside it has all turned blue, dark blue. Sounds are muted, light diffused and hazy and I roll through my to do list like a mantra but my brain is quiet, like walking outside after a snowfall, cushioned.

After awhile my synapses start firing again and I reemerge things slightly out of focus, but resolved and undeterred. Recognizing that I need to put the past in perspective, let go of the incessant chatter of regret and embrace the possibilities of now. I’m through hashing and rehashing the old and am ready to turn my attention to what’s new. It’s not all roses and sunshine but the light has shifted, altered in a way that affords me the vision to see the nuances and mystique of my life. This one life that I have.

Change is hard. Ha, who doesn’t know that?! Necessary for sure. Unavoidable without a doubt. Dealing with it is the key. Inquisitiveness, self-awareness, truthfulness, and resilience are an all equal measure, the only way to rise again. Each of us handle life’s challenges in our own ways, unique to the people we are. Hopefully I’ve come through and have learned something along with the pain and sadness.

I think spring is a good time for new beginnings. I’m surrounded by renewal, rejuvenation, resilience and endurance. For me, a reminder that life moves on even when I find it necessary, no imperative, to slow it all down and pause. The earth keeps revolving and luckily my friends and family love me through the brilliant blues of a summer sky and through the abrupt ever-changing storm that arrives on the horizon and rushes through my life-like a hurricane. Destroying and restoring a new balance and order. A new flow and for a change, I’m ready. 

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a new story….

It is inspiring to think that we can create a new life for ourselves, simply by changing our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations. Some say we have 60,000-100,00 thoughts a day and the good news is that we get to choose what type of thoughts we have, positive or negative. If our current lives are a manifestation of our thoughts and beliefs, and we wish for a different more authentic and creative life, then it is up to us to write a new script.

What I love about what Beth has accomplished with simply soaps is that she wrote a new story for herself, for her life, and she took a leap of faith and let her ingenuity and creativity narrate this chapter of her life. She has the willingness and the tenacity to do whatever it takes to stoke the spark of creativity within that allows her to envision a new unforseen path.

We all know that it is not about the destination, entirely, but about the journey, and life refuses to stay within the lines and travel predictably in one direction. As we get older and hopefully wiser, we become more adept and nimble at getting over these hurdles and obstacles without being defined or defeated by them.

It is exciting to know that our stories have yet to be written, and that we can decisively and swiftly alter our life’s direction, adjust our creative sails and invent a new story that speaks to who we are now and allows us to sail off to a sunset of our own making.  

Our stories, our unique masterpieces, these productions we call life, can not be told by anyone else but us. We are the directors and the producers, and for all of us here and now; life is a stage, who’s telling your story?

  Chapter 27                                                                                                                              

Simply Soaps a Vineyard  

           Bath Collection

 

 

Chapter 28

         

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